Bart Blatstein’s Schlepcot Centers!

Not content to sit on his laurels, Bart Blatstein is already conceptualizing his next development opportunity in Philadelphia. The brilliant cosmopolitan developer who gave us the Piazza, and soon The Provence (no, NOT Le Provence, that would just be pretentious) is eyeing up other world cultures to which he can pay homage with a dazzling world class urban resort.

Sure, Bart already has LOTS OF MONEY, but he cares about Philly and about making it a world capital by increasing his capital.  Tweaking world cultures and adding a little glam will turn Philadelphia into a real live Epcot Center, only better –  it’ll have GAMBLING!  Here’s a little global taste of what Bart has in store for us:

GdansKasino. With an underlying nod to the importance of General Kozckiusko as a Revolutionary war ally, and taking over the decaying USS United States, it will be a Polish-shipping-port themed hotel, casino and Polka dance club!  Look for an upscale branch of Syrenka as the resort’s premiere dining destination!

He’ll revitalize the Holmesburg section of Philly by creating the Great Wall Resort and Pachinko Parlor behind the great walls of the former Holmesburg prison.  A partnership with one of America’s finest Asian restaurants, P.F. Changs, will transport gamers to the Far (north) East!

A partnership with Caesars Entertainment and Little Caesars Pizza is in the works for the Navy Yard to create the ultimate South Philly destination!  And you thought the Piazza was the quintessential Italian experience?  This resort truly will be molto bene!

So who needs to schlep all over the world when the world is right here in Philadelphia?  Especially when places like Rome and Paris and Barcelona DON’T HAVE GAMBLING right in the middle of their downtowns.  Gaming makes the difference between an okay city and a great city.

“Philly cops seize illegal ATVs, dirt bikes”

Nobody would ever accuse our boys in blue of being Meek, but what are they going to do with all those motorized vehicles…?

Philadelphia Orchestra Out of Bankruptcy, but Not Out of the Woods Yet…

Now the orchestra has to raise money.  They could rely on calls to their aging audience OR maybe they could capitalize on what’s trending on local websites!  Updating some old classics may be one way to broaden their appeal…

Phatuous Phanatic phorcefully phlings phemale in phrenzied phoolishness?!?!

This story must be phalse…

Phanatical phantasies?

Women’s (Dark) History Month?

March is Women’s  HERstory month and what a story it’s been so far!  Women dressing up, getting smacked down, being involuntarily sonicated, getting right with God, while some Good Christian B’s on TV are not so right with God.   Holy Isis — on top of all this there’s a huge solar storm brewing!

2012 is the Year of  the Bible in Pennsylvania. But Philadelphia (the cream cheese that is) does NOT support Good Christian women, apparently.    In other entertainment news, Bill Maher, hardly a feminist himself, has Rushed to the aid of another talking head who slandered a female Georgetown Law School student.  Back in Philadelphia, March 13th has been proclaimed “Smart and Sexy Day,” where a lingerie company is helping low income women find proper fitting undergarments to wear under their new business attire.   And one of the good women of the Pennsylvania legislature was in the news recently with her stupid and unsexy bill giving women the right to be humiliated when they seek an abortion.  Even our brave women in uniform have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of their fellow soldiers and are now suing the military.

It’s still a man’s world…I guess we should be grateful we get a whole month of our own.  Maybe even some day we won’t be dissed for at least those 31 days!

Eternal life is a bitch...

“Is Philadelphia’s Mural Arts Program Worthy of Hate?”

We think The Atlantic may be a bit harsh in it’s summation.  They’re actually revisiting a post by Dan McQuade in Philadelphia Magazine.  In an attempt to sound edgy, Dan just seems peevish.  Please!  Can’t he give us JUST ONE justification for his total disdain?  Because it’s just whining otherwise. 

We acknowledge that artistic tastes vary hugely within a population, but you can’t possibly hate EVERY SINGLE mural in Philly!

As a tourist attraction, the mural tours get high marks online so it may be safe to say that the murals are, in fact, worthy of some love.  Mr. McQuade’s colleague, Victor Fiorillo, acknowledges this in his own entry into the mural frey. 

With a price tag of $1.5 million a year, it goes without saying the mural money could be better spent.  Though, in our corrupt system that’s just a drop in the bucket. 

One good thing has come out of this brouhaha – an explanation of the weird mural on Dirty Frank’s.  They’re all Franks!  Get it?  How many times have we walked past and wondered…?  DUH!!

Philambivalence?

Who Doesn’t Love Restaurant Week?!?

According to today’s  Metro, there are more than a few chefs who could do without the bi-annual event.

It seems some folks-in-the-know in the restaurant business consider Restaurant Weeks as glorified 2-for-1 offers.

And some foodies are even going so far as to publicize the NON-participants in the Week.

There are winners and losers in this tradition.  Sometimes it’s the restaurant that is off it’s game, and sometimes diners get short shrift when the quality of their fancy dining experience is more like what you’d get at your nephew’s wedding.  In past years some prominent restaurateurs have been quite vocal in their dislike of the promotion

Oh, well…there’s obviously some good and some bad in the whole restaurant week concept.  But, when it comes right down to it, we delight in the possibility that some pretentious group of cheapskates comes in from the provinces just to garner bragging rights by eating at a swanky dining establishment and ends up getting the “tourist menu.”

And of course, we don’t for a second mean to imply that any chef is in it just for the money!  That seems impossible!

 

“New $5M source for schools: longer bar hours” (We mean even longer…)

Councilwoman, Blondell Reynolds Brown has introduced legislation to help raise $5 million annually for the school district.

The truth is, the proposal simply does not go far enough.  If one extra hour of imbibing can raise $5 million, then just think how much more you could raise if the BARS WERE OPEN FOR 24 HOURS!!!

That’s right, pubs and bars open 24/7.  You can get your drink on ANY TIME!  We know at first glance this seems like it might cause problems, but the reality is that it completely solves the problem of later closures.

Everyone knows that trouble starts WHEN THE BARS CLOSE, so if they NEVER close, there should never be any trouble.  By eliminating “last call” you eliminate angry drunks from loitering on the street.  With our plan, all the drunks would simply stay on their barstools until they passed out or died of alcohol poisoning.

We have a few other suggestions for using beverages to aid our schools — and NO it’s not that stupid soda tax!  But we’ll save that for another post…