“Google Doodle no Philly tribute”

I wonder just how many individuals thought, “Yo, Philly statue!” when they saw today’s google doodle?  Okay, so maybe most of the inhabitants of our fair city thought that, but then we’re not such deep thinkers…

Turns out some other folks might have thought it was a tribute to THEM as well.  Like the University of Louisville.  Heck, even Detroit and Cleveland have one of these sculptures.

Well, google missed a golden opportunity to pay tribute to a REAL Philly sculpture a few years ago during Rocky’s 30th anniversary.  Chumps!

We’re making up for that omission now…

Gambling Industry on Fire in Philadelphia?!? Ask Bart Blatstein!

Clearly it’s hot, or Bart would not want in on the action (but his desire to stake a claim in this development opportunity is not new “news”).   But, clearly Bart cares about the city and all the revenue he can generate for our poor schools.  And if the competition heats up too much, they can all cool it at Bart’s private swim club.

 

Umm…on another issue maybe we should start calling our town Phire-delphia, what with all the recent incendiary activity.

Between absentee landlords in Brooklyn sitting on dangerously derelict properties, to sadistic sociopaths torching animals, to our own high profile businessman whose decrepit building practically took out a major public transportation artery – this town is SMOKIN’! And not in a good way…

Maybe he’ll call it SPARX Casino…

Philly, You’ve Been Served! OR…Getting Soaked by the Water Works Restaurant

Mmmmm…Michael Karloutsos seems to be the kind of guy who has a lot on his plate.
Firstly, he has a restaurant to run, and prior to opening the Water Works he had almost no restaurant experience at all – that’s gotta be stressful.

He’s got loans to keep track of, runs a consulting company, has to keep straight how many people actually own the restaurant, he has to remember which political party he’s affiliated with and who he’s raising money for, which of his relatives is in jail, which of his friends might have ties to the mob, and who’s suing him.  On top of all that, he’s even helped out the school district!
Unfortunately for the city, having so many pots on the stove has caused him to completely miss the fact that he hasn’t paid any utility bills for years.  He does make a point, though  — he says he never got a bill from the city.  It makes some sense that you wouldn’t ante up until you got a bill, and nobody in city hall seemed to take notice either. I guess those folks in city government are really busy too, thinking up ways to raise more revenue for our beleaguered city.

Hmmm…maybe it’s time for a trip to the Water Works for a $35 pork chop and an $11 salad and then when I’m done, I’ll just casually make my way to the door.  If anyone comes after me I’ll tell them, “Of course I didn’t pay, I never got the check!”

I thought the building was prix fixe — utilities included!!

 

FOP to Former Cop: Who do you THINK you are, some rich lawyer?!?!

Here’s a quote from John McNesby, an official with the Fraternal Order of Police:

He’s not respecting the uniform.  People died for that uniform. It’s not Halloween.

Who was he speaking about?

• Jimmy Binns, a local lawyer who’s acted in Rocky films
• Ray Lewis, a retired captain with 24 years on the Philly police force
• Jonah Hill, actor in “21 Jump Street”
• That guy from the Village People

If you guessed the ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER then you would be right.  In Philadelphia, there’s no crime we hate worse than a thought crime.  You can sell drugs, not pay your bills, create hazards for public servants, pummel innocent bystanders on the street, and a few other nefarious activities and you’ll probably get away with it.  If you engage in this sort of behavior because of SOME IDEOLOGY then you’re gonna get beat down.  Blocking traffic and destroying private property as part of a Phillies celebration — no problem.  Blocking traffic in an effort to call attention to economic inequality in America — you’re a menace to society!

We should probably just abolish the 1st Amendment – it causes so much trouble – and make the 2^nd Amendment #1.  It’s almost impossible for the average Philly cop to understand some sort of ideological argument, but easy to shoot somebody.  Why should they be forced to think so hard when they’d much rather just taser perps?  If we’re going to hold that 2^nd Amendment sacred, then it might be best to eliminate the 1^st.  Then, people might really think twice about opening their big mouths, so they’d be much less likely to get shot once everybody’s packing.  A win-win proposition.

Philly Flag Lady (we’re not in Kansas anymore!)

The Philly Pride Lady ™ (yes, that’s a trademarked term, and no she’s not a tranny, she’s a REAL lady) has 7 very Ladylike outfits.  They’re actually aprons, because she is engaged in domestic (as opposed to foreign) WORK on behalf of us, the citizenry of Philadelphia.  She is indefatigable in her pursuit of civic unity under our official flag, but how many of us even knew she existed?!?  In a town with no shortage of odd mascots (Curby Bucket,  Philly Phanatic, and (the late) Captain Sewer) the flag lady stands out.  So why isn’t she more widely known…? 

The Lady (who is originally from Topeka) appears to be an anomaly in this town.  She does not appear to be connected to any questionable characters nor look to be skimming cash from the city coffers.  It appears she does what she does through the goodness of her heart with a desire to improve life in the city by instilling civic pride.  She seems almost saintly…

We are left snarkless.

Famiglia Santorum a Bunch of Commies???

A BBC reporter (in February) was on the trail of Rick Santorum’s extended family back in Italy, in a town called Riva del Garda.  Shockingly, in the Santorum ancestral home, his forbears are reputed to be staunch Socialists, Communists and anti Fascists!  (I wonder if they used contraception…?)  This information is based on an interview with some of the remaining Italian Santorums in the magazine, OGGI.

 Hmmm….I wonder what the candidate would have to say about this?

Translation: My family makes me want to throw up!

 

Women’s (Dark) History Month?

March is Women’s  HERstory month and what a story it’s been so far!  Women dressing up, getting smacked down, being involuntarily sonicated, getting right with God, while some Good Christian B’s on TV are not so right with God.   Holy Isis — on top of all this there’s a huge solar storm brewing!

2012 is the Year of  the Bible in Pennsylvania. But Philadelphia (the cream cheese that is) does NOT support Good Christian women, apparently.    In other entertainment news, Bill Maher, hardly a feminist himself, has Rushed to the aid of another talking head who slandered a female Georgetown Law School student.  Back in Philadelphia, March 13th has been proclaimed “Smart and Sexy Day,” where a lingerie company is helping low income women find proper fitting undergarments to wear under their new business attire.   And one of the good women of the Pennsylvania legislature was in the news recently with her stupid and unsexy bill giving women the right to be humiliated when they seek an abortion.  Even our brave women in uniform have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of their fellow soldiers and are now suing the military.

It’s still a man’s world…I guess we should be grateful we get a whole month of our own.  Maybe even some day we won’t be dissed for at least those 31 days!

Eternal life is a bitch...

The Greenest (Greene-est) City in America?

What is it with this city and guys named Green(e)?  It seems they’re obsessed with green!  Is this why we’re the greenest city in the country – because we hemorrhage money?  From the Housing Authority, to the School District, to the Sheriff’s Office the flow never seems to stop.

One wonders how agency after agency can hemorrhage millions of dollars year after year and the bean counters in city hall remain oblivious.  Only the most Pollyanna patsy – or perhaps pure pipsqueak — could postulate that the prevailing purloining from the public purse is unknown by powerful pols.  Even the state failed to notice that the million bucks coming from sheriff’s sales every year suddenly dried up?!?