Checkpoint Cheesesteak? But, doesn’t the State Department know that we’re “el Sexto Barrio”???

In a queer bit of totalitarianism, a Cuban sex educator has been barred from travelling outside a 25 mile perimeter of New York City.  Scholar, writer, educator, and gay rights activist, Mariela Castro will not be able to visit Philly to accept an award at Equality Forum.  Isn’t it nice that America believes in freedom!  And comforting that it also believes in curtailing the activities of crazy communists who are a threat just off our shores!   Yes, the current Cuban regime is no saint and arbitrarily arrests and imprisons people, but that’s what dictatorships do and something the US would NEVER do!  We do not detain or imprison foreign nationals unless they are fairly tried and convicted of a crime…right?

Phragments from the 6th Borough

The New York Times Sunday Magazine had an interesting article about a privy excavation in the author’s back garden in Greenwich Village.  Greenwich Village is not unlike our own Queen Village — colonial neighborhoods of brick row houses, New Netherland to our New Sweden.  Both neighborhoods hold the subterranean remnants of generations of new Americans.  Privies are well known as repositories of historic rubbish (aka artifacts) and can reveal a good deal about our citizen ancestors.

Phound in Philly: bottle, marble, redware, blue & white ceramics, and oyster shells

There is one “artifact” that is ubiquitous in Queen Village — oyster shells.   They were a very popular street food back in the day, and any modern-day Philly gardener can confirm that.  They were sold as street food in Colonial times — sort of proto food trucks.

African Americans were often street vendors in Philly. This wheelbarrow full of oysters was one of the first food “trucks.” (I guess the shells were proto litter…)

 

“Google Doodle no Philly tribute”

I wonder just how many individuals thought, “Yo, Philly statue!” when they saw today’s google doodle?  Okay, so maybe most of the inhabitants of our fair city thought that, but then we’re not such deep thinkers…

Turns out some other folks might have thought it was a tribute to THEM as well.  Like the University of Louisville.  Heck, even Detroit and Cleveland have one of these sculptures.

Well, google missed a golden opportunity to pay tribute to a REAL Philly sculpture a few years ago during Rocky’s 30th anniversary.  Chumps!

We’re making up for that omission now…

Bart Blatstein’s Schlepcot Centers!

Not content to sit on his laurels, Bart Blatstein is already conceptualizing his next development opportunity in Philadelphia. The brilliant cosmopolitan developer who gave us the Piazza, and soon The Provence (no, NOT Le Provence, that would just be pretentious) is eyeing up other world cultures to which he can pay homage with a dazzling world class urban resort.

Sure, Bart already has LOTS OF MONEY, but he cares about Philly and about making it a world capital by increasing his capital.  Tweaking world cultures and adding a little glam will turn Philadelphia into a real live Epcot Center, only better –  it’ll have GAMBLING!  Here’s a little global taste of what Bart has in store for us:

GdansKasino. With an underlying nod to the importance of General Kozckiusko as a Revolutionary war ally, and taking over the decaying USS United States, it will be a Polish-shipping-port themed hotel, casino and Polka dance club!  Look for an upscale branch of Syrenka as the resort’s premiere dining destination!

He’ll revitalize the Holmesburg section of Philly by creating the Great Wall Resort and Pachinko Parlor behind the great walls of the former Holmesburg prison.  A partnership with one of America’s finest Asian restaurants, P.F. Changs, will transport gamers to the Far (north) East!

A partnership with Caesars Entertainment and Little Caesars Pizza is in the works for the Navy Yard to create the ultimate South Philly destination!  And you thought the Piazza was the quintessential Italian experience?  This resort truly will be molto bene!

So who needs to schlep all over the world when the world is right here in Philadelphia?  Especially when places like Rome and Paris and Barcelona DON’T HAVE GAMBLING right in the middle of their downtowns.  Gaming makes the difference between an okay city and a great city.

Self aggrandized, he derides passers-by by the seaside

Chris Christie does not seem to have very good vacation karma.  Last year when he was staying at the state-owned, governor’s summer house on Long Beach Island, there was an inconvenient earthquake.  This year his boardwalk stroll and ice cream cone buying was interrupted by some mouthy constituent who criticized Christie’s education policy.

Fortunately, he’s not yet Vice President, and there was no Secret Service detail to manhandle the free speech-abusing offender.  But, really, Chris doesn’t need any back-up when it comes to intimidation. He doesn’t hesitate to call you stupid or an idiot or publicly insult you all of his own volition.

Wouldn’t he be a welcome addition on the world stage as Vice President?  How better to burnish America’s sterling image than to have, for our second in command, a morbidly obese man prone to temper tantrums?  Just imagine what confidence that would instill…

Well, he did FREAK out on the boardwalk…

Occupy Gathering — Who Knew Philly was a Dry Town…

Those Occupy hooligans are back in town.  They consider themselves part of the 99%.  And they have crazy ideas — like everyone should be equal in the eyes of the law NO MATTER HOW LITTLE MONEY THEY HAVE!  Crazy!  They also seem to think they can just gather together and PROTEST government policies.  This is especially troublesome on the 4^th of July when we are trying to lure thousands of tourists to Philly to spend money.  Nobody wants to come here and get shot or stabbed or set on fire, but NONE of those are as creepy as being subjected to thought crime.  So the Cradle of Liberty’s finest has deployed a large (and no, we don’t mean obese) presence to keep us safe.  Sure, the last Occupy was basically peaceful, but they can’t be trusted like the normal, average citizen converging on the Parkway this week.

Truth is, our constitution is barely worth the paper it’s written on…But Mayor Nutter certainly knows how to put the parch in parchment – NO WATER FOR OCCUPIERS!

Freedom from thirst isn’t free…

“Labor leaders cry foul on hoteliers’ convention blame”

It seems the Pennsylvania Convention Center has come a long way in terms of customer service for conventioneers. Now it is MUCH less likely that union employees will shut down all the electricity in advance of your conference like they did back in 2004.

It should be stressed, however,  that poor customer relations IS NOT a Union problem!  Union boss, “Johnny Doc”  Dougherty, has called for privatization of the center by some worthy corporation (like a subsidiary of his political patron, Comcast) in order to improve customer service…It’s the unprofessional, local bureaucrats who ruin the convention experience, NOT the unions.  Sure, there are a few complicated work rules and maybe an extra fee or two, but Philly’s a complicated place with lots of history.

Okay, so maybe a few tools, destined for charity, went missing when the True Value folks were in town, but that could have happened anywhere.   And it’s a big country with lots of convention centers so not EVERY convention can be in Philly, and some groups don’t come back.  It CAN’T be because of poor services at OUR facility.  There’s surely some other explanation…

But what happens if by some chance we DON’T have enough conferences and conventions in our center??  What becomes of such a large empty building?

Philly Flag Lady (we’re not in Kansas anymore!)

The Philly Pride Lady ™ (yes, that’s a trademarked term, and no she’s not a tranny, she’s a REAL lady) has 7 very Ladylike outfits.  They’re actually aprons, because she is engaged in domestic (as opposed to foreign) WORK on behalf of us, the citizenry of Philadelphia.  She is indefatigable in her pursuit of civic unity under our official flag, but how many of us even knew she existed?!?  In a town with no shortage of odd mascots (Curby Bucket,  Philly Phanatic, and (the late) Captain Sewer) the flag lady stands out.  So why isn’t she more widely known…? 

The Lady (who is originally from Topeka) appears to be an anomaly in this town.  She does not appear to be connected to any questionable characters nor look to be skimming cash from the city coffers.  It appears she does what she does through the goodness of her heart with a desire to improve life in the city by instilling civic pride.  She seems almost saintly…

We are left snarkless.