Archive for August, 2011

What’s with Pennsylvania and neighboring Maryland?!?  We’ve had Jihad Jane, now the Nittany Nazi turned Happy Valley Jihadi, and the Marylander Mujahid.

You can blame it on ideology if you want, but the reality is these people are just NUTS!

 

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You don’t need a weatherman to let you know when you’re getting soaked.

The school district is even further "underwater"

 

Thank god we still have sensible business people like Donna Saber trying to do their part to stop the downward spiral into moral decay that continues every day in our society.  Okay, so maybe as a business person she’s not all that sensible…

Donna Saber's Relationship and Business Advice?

In reality, who can blame the mayor for flying down to Rio at this point in time?  With brazillions of dollars in delinquent taxes uncollected and juvenile delinquents doing the bossy nova on innocent pedestrians, it’s not exactly carnival time here in the City of Brotherly Love.  And it looks like Rio may truly be a sister city because, according to Wikipedia, they also suffer from corruption, violent crime, functional illiteracy and poverty.

In the same way that Philly can teach Rio, perhaps they can teach us a thing or two.  Like how to infuse a little more “joie de vivre” into our own New Year’s Day “carnival,” which is often like a plodding sporting event staged by overweight plumbers in elaborate drag.

The Feds are picking up the tab for this trip, so showing Rio how to go green shouldn’t cost the city any green (that’s the official story anyway).  Are the Feds paying the way of private industry as well?  I guess it doesn’t matter since some of those consulting firms live on public dollars anyways. I think the mayor may be a little too hopeful, though, that Philly will see the sort of population that Rio has – we’d need a 6 fold increase to match Rio and that ain’t gonna happen.

All in all, let’s not quibble over our local delegation’s carbon footprint in flying down to Rio and just hope they have plenty of fun in the sun!

Remember it's not Copabanana Beach -- youse not in Philly anymore

No matter what way you spell it, we’re still a bunch of slobs.

But on the positive side, this is just another opportunity for re-branding!

[Warning: satire ahead]

A group of pale, young Emo and Goth men are staging a play called, “Dan Rottenberg Is Thinking About Sucker Punching You: An Educational Presentation.”  Mr. Rottenberg recently wrote an editorial excoriating the wimpiness of today’s “metrosexuals.”  Back in Mr.  Rottenberg’s day, young men were taught to fight and defend themselves (if you’re skeptical of the benefits of fistfighting, just ask John Street).  Today they go to anti-bullying schools in quiet suburbs, stay inside playing video games all day, and wouldn’t recognize a punching bag if it weren’t on a Wii screen!  So they have no muscles and when they move to the rough and tumble city they are ill prepared to protect themselves from the flash mobs that are just a fact of life in this city.  We can’t do much about gangs of marauding youth, but yuppies CAN man up and fight back.  If you’re on the street with your smartphone looking wimpy and twee, then you’re just asking to get sucker punched.

Those jeans are way too provocative...does this look like Paris, m****rf***er!?!

“Let thy child’s first lesson be obedience and the second may be what thou wilt.”  That’s a nice thought from a founding father…obviously not one that’s been ingrained in many of our city’s youth.

Our illustrious mayor has been vowing to prevent gangs of kids from rampaging through our city for well over a year.  He and Charles “Slim” Ramsey, need to expend more than an ounce of prevention.  These kids seem to roam and attack with abandon.  In a down economy, the last thing you want is to scare off all the tourists.  And that’s a real possibility.  Heck, I used to live in NYC in the bad old days, now live in Center City and even I’m worried about being seriously maimed by a bunch of tween hooligans!

Nutter is big on branding, but he may have to do some re-branding if mob rule becomes the norm in this city…

"A mob's a monster; heads enough but no brains." -- B. Franklin