Diaboli ex Machina: hitchBOT vs Philadeleterious

Philadelphians are no strangers to superlatives: ugliest, dirtiest, fattest, and once again, GQ Magazine has rated our sports fans as among the worst.

Now, shamefully, we can add another unique moment in the history of shameful Philadelphia episodes…We have destroyed a lovable, helpless robot. The poor hitchBOT was able to traverse all of Canada, traveled to Europe, was welcomed to Bean Town, and survived a visit to New York City. But Philadelphia was its Waterloo (or should we say, Wooderloo). It’s not clear exactly what happened, but we can imagine some likely scenarios.  What we do know is that we are some of the meanest urbanites in the world…

Surrealpolitik — Tainted Politsiya Avoid the Gulag

Much media attention has been focused on pro-Russian “resisters” Putin’ the crime in Crimea, but recently we’ve had a few totalitarian moves of our own here in town.  We’re always saying that it’s 1957 in Philadelphia, and in fact this seems like Cold War-era activity – but in the USSR!   NOT in the USofA!  Uniformed members of the state allowed to run roughshod over minority shopkeepers (well, they are capitalists…)?  These are activities that make the PPD have more in common with Russian thugs than public service – more brownshirts than men in blue.  And their comrade, John McNesby (could anyone look MORE like an overfed member of the Politburo???), not only denies the allegations, but believes his FOP members should receive extra rubles for lost overtime despite NEVER having worked the overtime.

In a nice bit of newspeak, Officer Tolstoy (is it some amazing dystopian coincidence that one of the officers investigated by the grand jury just happens to have the last name Tolstoy???) is the head of a Public Safety charter high school.  I hope they’re teaching the proper “surveillance” techniques to their young pioneers.

But there will be no gulag for these goons.  In a clear demonstration that these thugs have the full backing of the state, they are absolved from all prosecution. Perhaps PROSECUTION is the operative word here.  If they were to be prosecuted, is it possible that all those cases that they had their corrupt hands on would have to be reexamined?  Is Seth Williams keeping the lid on a potential Pandora’s box of false arrests and future lawsuits?  It’s chilling to think that keeping criminal cops on the force is the path of least resistance.  If I’d been arrested by one of these public servants I’d have a Constitutional lawyer on retainer…

 

“Butkovitz Finds Many School District Items Missing “

Whaddya want???  Over 3000 staff members are missing, too, and you’re worried about stuff!?!

Police Work in Upper Darby is an Adventure…

Is Upper Darby the crazy crime capital of Pennsylvania, or has its publicity-seeking police chief created that impression?  Well, from stashes of frozen cats to daughters gnawing on their moms  to families of naked, musical protesters, there does seem to be plenty of offbeat offenses.

And is it just us or do an inordinate number of these crimes involve inappropriate sexual conduct…?

• A predatory foot fetishist who sprayed an anti-fungal on boys’ feet which he then proceeded to tickle while “pleasuring” himself
• Lesbians having sex in a local McDonalds and violently driven from the restaurant by other patrons yelling anti-gay epithets
• A latex-loving dominatrix connected to more than one suspicious death
• A well-lubricated, self-abuser exposing himself and then taking cops on a low-speed chase

And now add to that the corpulent couple copulating in full view of two dozen bike cops.  That’s one ride those officers won’t soon forget.  Maybe Upper Darby cops should be considered Pubic Servants…

Maybe Developers Need a SLAPP…

First the tragedy on Market Street and more recently an excavation cave-in on South Street,  and just last year there was another L&I demolition debacle in West Philadelphia. Heck, you can go all the way back to 2006 and see that there was a serious building boom (boom as in the noise a building makes when it collapses) where, on many occasions, L&I gave developers a pass.

L&I does not seem to protect neighborhoods from reckless developers, so often the local civic association becomes the watchdog for hazardous or inappropriate projects.  Now it seems these heedless gentrifiers can simply shut down neighborhood groups that become bothersome like they did in Old City.  It’s called a SLAPP lawsuit and it’s chilling.

Having a city government with lax oversight of construction, coupled with bad laws that render even citizens’ groups powerless to stop bad development is a dangerous game…

“Excavator in building collapse in police custody”

The Collapsible House that Porn Built…

The blog, philadelinquency, has found a lot of dirt in the rubble of today’s collapse…A concerned citizen reported this accident-waiting-to-happen a MONTH AGO and L&I never responded.  Even AFTER the building collapsed, philly311 appeared to continue blowing off this citizen re: his complaint about the building.

So whaddaweknow so far?  L&I is notorious for not properly enforcing code violations on properties owned by connected (or maybe, bribe-offering?) “developers.”  (Just ask folks in Queen Village whose homes are being damaged as we speak)

The owner of the demolition company is a crook who, apparently, didn’t actually acquire the permit himself.  That task fell to an architect who is associated with  other slumlords in the city.   And the purported owner of the collapsed property is a porn monger from New York.  There’s lots more, but it’s making us dizzy…

CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT!!! Maybe this was no accident after all.  Looks like the porn king, Basciano, was trying to buy out the Salvation Army, but they refused to sell…This wouldn’t be the first time a guy like Basciano “leaned on” a little guy for  “business” purposes…

Real Men?

After reading John Bolaris’ screed in today’s Metro and last week’s bizarre online postings of Charles Peruto, it’s not hard to understand why these two little guys are friends.  They’re prime examples of Philly’s quirky celebrity culture where vapid, preternaturally tanned egomaniacs are considered high status.  It’s all about them, no matter what the reality is.  It’s like they’re starring in their own urban bromance novel…