Chrome Search (with results that could kill you!)

There appears to be some green goo seeping out of the ground near Bartram’s Garden. There also seems to be a Keystone Kops-esqe response with agencies falling over each other to not claim responsibility. It’s not PWD’s problem, as the goo does not appear to in the river, and it’s downstream from the drinking water intakes so NOT OUR PROBLEM! So who might be responsible for a possible clean-up? And why is the city and state just discovering this mess now?

The land abutting Bartram’s is way less bucolic than the historic site itself. Though there is plenty of history…The area includes the site of the Ryerson steel manufactory. The company is still in business elsewhere, and their Portland, OR facility was Superfund listed and chromium was found in all samples that were taken as part of an investigation. Chromium was very likely a byproduct of their steel manufacturing here in Philly as well. Bartram’s has a nice web page explaining the series of events associated with the discovery of the mysterious ooze.

The property in question is said to be in private hands, but Inquirer articles indicate that Septa  purchased nearby parcels in 2023 to serve as a new trolley barn location. Septa purchased the former steel plant and adjacent property that had, at one point, hosted a fuel depot. The possibility of hydrocarbons in the soil is highly likely as well. These properties cost roughly $25 million. There is no indication SEPTA did an environmental assessment prior to purchase. Did the transit agency really spend that much money for potentially polluted land and NOT check for contamination? Are they the “responsible party” now and potentially liable for any clean-up costs? Would those costs be passed on to the ridership? There have been other clean-up efforts in the area under the aegis of the EPA and state DEP, but it’s not clear this recent discharge is part of any remediation.

Let’s hope Bartram’s doesn’t let this story disappear from the news, and the public is apprised of any testing results. If that goo migrated underground the ¼ mile from the steel plant to the river, this clean-up may be bigger than we think…

New Sprinkler Law is All Wet

City Council has introduced Automatic Sprinkler Bill 220299  and there has been significant pushback. We’re all for fire safety, but this is a definite overreach and will cause more problems than it purports to solve. This specific safety concern has been around for a long time, but I’m curious about this particular bill and what possible motivations may be behind it, apart from fire safety?

Former councilman (and current criminal) Bobby Henon was apparently very involved in the promotion of this bill. Even after he was “unelected”, he still had a hand in its progress. Why so concerned, Bobby? Here’s an article from 2020 that may provide some insight into what’s set Mr. Henon’s solicitude ablaze…

The revenue that could potentially accrue to the local Sprinkler Fitters’ union could be significant. The costs to retrofit high rises in Philly could be staggering. But there seems to be some local mythologizing that all condominium owners are some sort of elites with deep pockets. Not so. It should be noted that many condos are rentals, so any costs will be passed on to tenants and put another potential squeeze on affordable housing in the city.

The sad truth is that most fire deaths in America take place in homes, not high rise buildings.

Older homes are not required to have sprinklers, nor to have hardwired smoke detectors – two technologies that are known to save lives. (Post-2010 residential construction like townhouses, are required to have sprinklers, while detached and semi-detached houses are not.) Battery operated smoke detectors, when present in a home, aren’t always in working order and a common discovery in Philly house fires. Hardwired detectors might be a better use of rent money than an elaborate piping system that has its own potential problems. But the law does not seem to punish landlords for failing to insure their buildings are properly equipped in the event of a fire or disincentivise removal of detector batteries by residents. The law could probably be more creative in preventing house fires & increasing safety.

Here are some examples that may be cited by proponents of this bill. They are not examples of typical high rise fires, of which there have been very few in Philly over the years. Here a fire started in a high-rise basement and some basements of high rises are actually exempt from the law. 

A 2018 arson fire is often mentioned. Call me crazy, but if an owner is purposely burning down his building, with zero regard for the neighbors, I suspect he’s going to turn off the sprinklers, so bad example.

There was a tragic fire in a small apartment building in Philly in January of 2022 and a dozen people died. That building would have been exempt from the current legislation.

The structures in these examples are a far cry from mid-century high rises built of steel and concrete with hardwired smoke detectors, effective fire towers and elaborate alert systems for residents. Buildings like this are extremely safe, but this bill is a one-size-fits-all. There do not seem to be any considerations for buildings that already meet strict criteria. This is another reason why it should be suspect.

There are more cost effective ways to insure Philadelphians are safe from fires in their residences and other technologies that don’t favor certain unions. This bill is not an example of a thoughtful response to fire safety. Mark Squilla and Katherine Gilmore Richardson should either amend it significantly or rewrite it altogether to create a true and reasonable fire safety bill for all Philadelphians.

Pennsylvania: Does PA Stand for Pandering?

As if we don’t have enough bad local politicians…Now we’re importing uber-rich wannabes from other states. But besides extreme wealth, they have something else in common – a tenuous Pennsylvania connection. Some more tenuous than others…

Dave McCormick was actually born in PA, so he has that bit of cred. He’s got a PhD from Princeton and is currently a member of the board of trustees of the left-leaning Aspen Institute. Until last week, he was president of one of the largest hedge funds in the country. Not exactly a regular Joe from central PA. He worked in the Bush administration in Treasury, so is sort of one of those “revolving door” guys – what some might term a member of “the swamp”. He implies his dad was just a humble Christmas tree farmer, when in fact, he was president of Bloomsburg University and Chancellor of the State Higher Education system. Oh, and Dave’s lived in Connecticut for a couple of decades. He says he’s going to save us from the “woke mob.” If you associate “wokeness” with academics, Ivy Leaguers & well-heeled folks from New England, then it appears he’s been hobnobbing with woke folks most of his life.

Another Ivy League educated physician-turned-Carhartt-wearing Regular Joe with an even weaker connection to PA is Dr. Mehmet Oz. He IS an American (born in OH), but maintains Turkish citizenship and served 2 years in the Turkish army (like most Americans, right?). He comes from a wealthy family and is filthy rich himself. He is accomplished in the medical field, but for the last two decades has mostly “played” a doctor on TV vs. working as a doctor IRL. Medical colleagues have also called him out for some of his unscientific health claims. He only lived in PA while completing his post-graduate studies at UPenn – that’s his sole connection. Unless you count his in-laws living here as a solid connection? He’s lived in NJ most of his adult life and owns an estate in southern Florida.

My favorite Dr. Oz commercial is him standing in front of a repurposed steelmaking site, which is now an arts venue, and claiming it went out of business during the Biden administration. The plant was shuttered in the 90s. Maybe he doesn’t know this because he’s generally ignorant of all things Pennsylvanian?!?

So Carla Sands has the strongest PA pedigree. She was born and raised here and even attended Elizabethtown College. However, she’s lived in California for close to 30 years in some of LA’s toniest neighborhoods. She is a strong Trumpist and bought herself an ambassadorship to Denmark with a $100,000 inauguration donation. She married well and has spent millions of her own money on her campaign already. As a former actress, chiropractor, and CEO who has never held elected office, she seems perfectly unfit for the US senate representing Pennsylvania. We haven’t seen her TV ads yet, but are looking forward to them. Maybe she’ll be out on state game lands providing free musculoskeletal adjustments to hunters who have been crouched in their tree stands too long.

Diaboli ex Machina: hitchBOT vs Philadeleterious

Philadelphians are no strangers to superlatives: ugliest, dirtiest, fattest, and once again, GQ Magazine has rated our sports fans as among the worst.

Now, shamefully, we can add another unique moment in the history of shameful Philadelphia episodes…We have destroyed a lovable, helpless robot. The poor hitchBOT was able to traverse all of Canada, traveled to Europe, was welcomed to Bean Town, and survived a visit to New York City. But Philadelphia was its Waterloo (or should we say, Wooderloo). It’s not clear exactly what happened, but we can imagine some likely scenarios.  What we do know is that we are some of the meanest urbanites in the world…

It is Written…”So the wall was finished in the twenty and fifth day of the month…” Nehemiah 6:15

It looks like the faithful coming for the papal visit in September will be making a true, old fashioned pilgrimage. As in, they will have to walk for miles. It appears that the security will be even more stalwart than the faith of the followers with a “security perimeter” that will stretch for blocks. Which doesn’t exactly radiate a welcoming spirit…

As of now the security measures have not been carved in stone, but it’s not going to be any paradise for the locals. Roads, highways, and even bridges may be closed. Philly Mag thinks we should get some forbearance since this is such a colossal undertaking.

And our esteemed Mayor has even traveled to the Holy See to get some logistical pointers.

Perhaps the multitudes will not be as great as first thought – reports of disillusionment with the pontiff have been brought to light.

Regardless of the potential mess on the ground, it will be a rapturous time for many Catholics and an economic godsend for local businesses.

In terms of actual logistics, the devil may be in the details…

Let’s stamp out any appearance of ungraciousness!  (Translation: I’m tired of walking. How many more kilometers?)

Christine M. Flowers: A ONE Strawman Woman!

It seems Christine Flowers is right, she’s a born conservative. Science has actually found biological differences between people of differing political viewpoints. But, Christine seems to believe that being a conservative makes her superior to immoral, un-American, “liberals” and homosexuals. Her writings are usually predictable and slightly overwrought, but now we know it’s her brain that’s to blame – she’s not simply trying to write as badly as possible. Her most recent column is full of the purplest of prose (though she might go red at the reference to any shade of lavendar). Miss Flowers’ latest screed is inspired by the recent Supreme Court decision on gay marriage. Its incomprehensible writing supports her thesis that the decision has her totally addled. She LIBERALLY employs a thesaurus, but fails to CONSERVE coherence in her column.

We usually find her writing pretentious and cliched. But, now that we know she can’t help it, we can just read her blog for entertainment value…

Scarecrow: I haven’t got a brain… only straw. Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain? Scarecrow: I don’t know… But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking… don’t they? Dorothy: Yes, I guess you’re right.

#Rick2016 — Rick Santorum, Panderer-in-Chief!

Let’s support Santorum in all his sartorial splendor!

ARAmark of the Devil???

Talk about an unholy alliance…If you google “ARAmark” and “evil” you get 29,800 hits. But perhaps the megacorporation has done some penance, as they are the chosen ones for official merchandise for the Pope’s visit to Philadelphia.

ARAmark sure knows how to put the FUN in the profundo!  Let’s face it, piety and abstinence are sooo last millennium.  It’s the 21^st century and even a pilgrimage by the Holy See has to be accompanied by a merchandising crusade. But we’re sure all the money will go to the poor…oh, wait…Anyway….take a look at some of these Biblically inspired bibelots!

Holy logos, look at all those fine garments! There are lovely vessels for drinking water AND wine; dishes for serving your daily bread; baby rosary beads; and don’t cross crucifixes off the gift list, there will be more of those than the loaves and fishes!

Don’t cut corners on your Pope-wear, get this “I Mitre Pope Francis” t-shirt now!

The only suggestion we might have is a few more “Phillycentric” souvenirs…Maybe silver bullets for killing local werewolves and protecting yourself from those residents who lack halos? Papal pretzels? Or maybe some other regionally inspired tchotchkes…

Get the whole trinity of plush toys — the Father, the Satan, and the history spirit!