Christine M. Flowers: A ONE Strawman Woman!

It seems Christine Flowers is right, she’s a born conservative. Science has actually found biological differences between people of differing political viewpoints. But, Christine seems to believe that being a conservative makes her superior to immoral, un-American, “liberals” and homosexuals. Her writings are usually predictable and slightly overwrought, but now we know it’s her brain that’s to blame – she’s not simply trying to write as badly as possible. Her most recent column is full of the purplest of prose (though she might go red at the reference to any shade of lavendar). Miss Flowers’ latest screed is inspired by the recent Supreme Court decision on gay marriage. Its incomprehensible writing supports her thesis that the decision has her totally addled. She LIBERALLY employs a thesaurus, but fails to CONSERVE coherence in her column.

We usually find her writing pretentious and cliched. But, now that we know she can’t help it, we can just read her blog for entertainment value…

Scarecrow: I haven’t got a brain… only straw. Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain? Scarecrow: I don’t know… But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking… don’t they? Dorothy: Yes, I guess you’re right.

Police Work in Upper Darby is an Adventure…

Is Upper Darby the crazy crime capital of Pennsylvania, or has its publicity-seeking police chief created that impression?  Well, from stashes of frozen cats to daughters gnawing on their moms  to families of naked, musical protesters, there does seem to be plenty of offbeat offenses.

And is it just us or do an inordinate number of these crimes involve inappropriate sexual conduct…?

• A predatory foot fetishist who sprayed an anti-fungal on boys’ feet which he then proceeded to tickle while “pleasuring” himself
• Lesbians having sex in a local McDonalds and violently driven from the restaurant by other patrons yelling anti-gay epithets
• A latex-loving dominatrix connected to more than one suspicious death
• A well-lubricated, self-abuser exposing himself and then taking cops on a low-speed chase

And now add to that the corpulent couple copulating in full view of two dozen bike cops.  That’s one ride those officers won’t soon forget.  Maybe Upper Darby cops should be considered Pubic Servants…

Gender Bend it Like Kenney!

Kudos to Jim Kenney for recognizing certain realities of the 21st century.  Gender has become fluid, and a younger generation just takes it in stride.  It’s time our architecture was truly modern as well so he’s introducing his “bathroom bill.”

I guess not everyone is comfortable with this concept.  Those crazy Arizonians think it should be criminal!  Do these people have separate bathrooms in their homes for wive/husbands or sisters/brothers?  Or do they just fear the possibility of being in a public restroom with a tranny and experiencing a panic attack?  If you’ve been to any hipster bar (and many restaurants) in the city then you’ve used genderless bathrooms.  It’s time to calm down about this.  But, at the same time we have to recognize the importance of a certain sensitivity and etiquette going forward…

The Forum Theater: R.I.Porn (or Fleshing Out Improvements on Market Street West)

The Internet has finally succeeded in killing off the last of the porno palaces.  No more sitting in the dark with a bunch of other pervs with your feet sticking to the floor.  Everybody now just gets their smut online – alone in their homes without the tender touch of fellow film goers.  Alas, another shared social activity destroyed by the digital revolution.  There are, surprisingly,  a couple of melancholic reviews of the theater online.

The Forum theater opened in the swinging 70s and amazingly, given it’s piece of real estate, survived into the 21^st century.  Philly mag has a “research” piece on The Forum which is fascinating…

So how will this seedy block improve now that the adult establishments have been exxxpunged?   The current owner has a few suggestions, including a yarn store.  Hmmm, that conjures up a whole new image when you hear yarn bombing…

The problem with modern day porn films is that they lack a good yarn…

 

Links: boobytrap, cozy, pillowboobs, beanis

 

No Sexual Harassment at the City of Philadelphia: If we can’t understand it, it don’t exist

A (male) coworker recently emailed this photo to some colleagues – his supervisor considered it inspiring.

And what could be more inspiring than a lady scientist who’s ALSO A CHEERLEADER.

That’s right, not some frumpy researcher tramping around in sensible shoes doing fieldwork in her spare time, but an honest-to-goodness, scantily-clad cheerleader!  This same male colleague is also inspired by Lady Gaga and Britney Spears and sprinkles images of them throughout workplace Powerpoint presentations — totally cool and highly professional.  A woman who was fired and later sued the city (successfully) for discrimination also inspires this same gentleman every day — he got a photo of her and made it part of his screensaver!  All of this harmless inspiration is considered “creepy” by some of the girls in the office.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE CHICKS?!?   Are they just jealous they’re not teen pop idols or cheerleaders?!?

But for some reason, some broads at work complained about this image (they found it inappropriate, ooooo…) so they were interrogated by the gentleman’s supervisor who, reasonably, wanted to know “exactly what” it was about this picture they found offensive.  Basically, c’mon, honey, IT’S INSPIRING, what’s wrong with you!?  And if you don’t like it you gotta be specific about why not.

This is why there shouldn’t be no dames in the workplace – too many interpersonal conflicts because they ain’t got no sense of humor.  Gals don’t need to work.  I know they like to have money to spend on shoes or baubles, but come on!

It’s always 1957 in Philadelphia OR Sex and the City Worker

Tom Corbett: Governor of Ped-sylvania?!?

There seems to be an awful lot of online chatter implying that the governor dragged out the Sandusky/PSU investigation for political reasons.

Maybe to spare his campaign contributors? Allegedly, past and present board members of the Second Mile charity are responsible for over half a million bucks in campaign contributions to Corbett’s 2010 election bid.  And Tom approved a state grant of $3 million to Second Mile just last summer (it was initiated under Rendell) in spite of the investigation.  Why such a big chunk of change to a tainted children’s charity while you’re slashing education funds for kids statewide?

And there are rumors swirling on the internet about a sex/pedophile ring that was coordinated out of the York County courthouse.  Allegedly, there are players involved who had close ties to Tom Corbett and the intimations are that Tom made no attempt to investigate any sex scandal or corruption in York, despite lots of credible information.  This included a cyber porn complaint from the chief of detectives herself…but no traction.

But, well, you know, Tom’s a Catholic man so illicit sexual activity that may involve pedophilia maybe doesn’t seem all that unusual.  What’s to investigate?  Yet, the New York Times ran a glowing article implying Tom was much more of a  crusader (and online conservative sentiment concurs) who was “shocked” by the inaction of Penn State administrators.  Can you say perhaps, disingenuous…?

Then there was that other institutional  child molestation case at the Milton Hershey school that seemed to quietly fade from the radar screen, though the sitting governor (a school trustee and fellow Catholic) would have known about it.  The  school simply, and quietly, settled the cases.

But the craziest, and perhaps creepiest,  incident potentially connected to all this is the disappearance of Ray Gricar, the Centre County DA, who some believe was pursuing the Sandusky matter, but met a bad end because of it.  Sure, that seems in the realm of conspiracy theorizing, but people almost never just disappear without a trace…well, unless they’ve been dissolved in acid or sent to a landfill or something.

Their rationalizations are Greek to me! Not exactly the PLATONIC IDEAL of public service…

Arlen Specter: Sarah Palin had my motor running on the Straight Talk Express!

Today’s Daily News provides a creepy glimpse into what fuels Arlen’s ardor…Seems like there was more than one motor running on McCain’s campaign bus last election season, and Arlen writes about it in his new book.  This passionate passage shows he may be an old goat, but clearly there’s still a fire in the furnace…

 

Women’s (Dark) History Month?

March is Women’s  HERstory month and what a story it’s been so far!  Women dressing up, getting smacked down, being involuntarily sonicated, getting right with God, while some Good Christian B’s on TV are not so right with God.   Holy Isis — on top of all this there’s a huge solar storm brewing!

2012 is the Year of  the Bible in Pennsylvania. But Philadelphia (the cream cheese that is) does NOT support Good Christian women, apparently.    In other entertainment news, Bill Maher, hardly a feminist himself, has Rushed to the aid of another talking head who slandered a female Georgetown Law School student.  Back in Philadelphia, March 13th has been proclaimed “Smart and Sexy Day,” where a lingerie company is helping low income women find proper fitting undergarments to wear under their new business attire.   And one of the good women of the Pennsylvania legislature was in the news recently with her stupid and unsexy bill giving women the right to be humiliated when they seek an abortion.  Even our brave women in uniform have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of their fellow soldiers and are now suing the military.

It’s still a man’s world…I guess we should be grateful we get a whole month of our own.  Maybe even some day we won’t be dissed for at least those 31 days!

Eternal life is a bitch...