Archive for November, 2011

Hey, how come your brother looks just like the booze delivery guy and not like your dad?

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Whaddya mean she isn’t entitled to unemployment?!?!  She WAS fired ya know.

Just remember, you heard it here first.  Don’t believe us?  Well latte da…

In nearby Brewerytown, this…

Will soon look like this…

And the redevelopment will just keep marching north.  In addition to a new area supermarket, Chaka Fattah recently got his $5 million grant to spruce up the SEPTA station at 33rd and Dauphin.  And one of his political donors owns acres of land in the area (thanks in no small part to city hall).  That donor also claims to be the ”Largest residential developer in Philadelphia…,” and is the only developer on the city’s zoning code commission (appointed by Anna Verna herself).  According to the developer’s website, “…Westrum has spearheaded the quest to revitalize under-utilized urban areas into thriving neighborhoods through creative real estate development.”

Westrum may have been biding his time, but it seems a harmonic convergence of gentrification may now be upon us.  We suspect, however, that some of the residents of those “under-utilized neighborhoods” may not be all that enthusiastic about the coming “improvements.”

You don't need a GPS app to tell you which way rents are headed...

 

Today’s Metro has a front page re-imagining of Philadelphia in the year 2050 (okay, it’s really New York, but let’s not quibble).  It’s quite a lovely vision – shiny solar glass towers with green roofs and powered by the wind.  It’s clear Philly is on track to become a sleek, green, urban utopia in just 40 years!  We’re well on our way with Philadelphia2035.  And within just a couple of years we won’t even be using metal subway tokens and maybe have citywide WIFI — how modern is that!?!  By 2050 we’ll be totally FANTAS-FUTURIS-TIC!

We realize there are some cynics out there ranting about our economic problems, crumbling infrastructure, shale fracking, and violent crime.   But, hellloooo?  We’re talking about the future here, and the future is always bright!  Maybe you should educate yourselves and read some Aldous Huxley or George Orwell so you can see just how amazing the future can be.

We know people can have different visions of the future and  things may not be so great right now, but it can only get better….right?

Our utopian future is right down The Road...

The Children’s Scholarship Fund Philadelphia is set to raise $20,000,000 to  provide tuition funds for 10,000 students, which is GREAT!  20 million bucks is a lot of money and each student will get…umm…10 into 20 is….ummm…Oh!!  Only $2000 per student???!  What private school are they going to go to for that kind of money?!?

Well, CSFP lists over 200 participating schools on their website – from “Germantown Friends” all the way to “Crooked Places Made Straight Christian Academy.”  According to philly.com the average tuition amongst those schools is only $2800.  But if Quaker schools charge roughly $20,000 and Catholic schools get $2800 at a MINIMUM, how do you come up with an AVERAGE of $2800 a year?  (A 2009  study showed the average tuition at the least expensive Christian schools was over $5,000.)

I’m a product of public schools, myself, and my math is not that great so maybe I’m just missing something here…Why don’t they just put that money into targeted public schools?

At least the program insures that students are fully qualified to attend the school of their choice because scholarships are awarded based on…A LOTTERY?!?!  Well, I guess if Mom has the wherewithal to fill out the application then Junior will be welcome anywhere his $2000 will take him – pay no attention to those class size restrictions, academic requirements, or waiting lists.

Why does this smell like a scam?

Keep on scratchin your head....

The obituary of the print newspaper is constantly being written because they don’t seem to be able to make any money.  Well, don’t put our local dailies to bed just yet!  They’re innovating in a big way — kudos to Philadelphia Media Network Inc.  for thinking outside the box and putting their newsroom in a department store!  The square footage lost by the editorial staff will be more than made up for by the square footage devoted to retail.  I can’t wait to get my new philly.com wear (who needs PINK couture, when you can have P-INQ)!

Might we also suggest you consider investing in a large pipe organ…

Thinking outside the box...store?

The actions of Jerry Sandusky are horrifying, but the possibility that he was aided and abetted by a possible cover-up makes it that much worse.  This scandal is huge.  A sainted coach, a winning college football team, a disappeared district attorney and a sex abuse scandal.  You know that there has to be some project in development in Hollywood as we speak.  Robert DeNiro as Joe Pa?

Why do we insist on creating heroes in America?  There are no heroes, there are just regular people.  Some are very, very good and some are very, very bad and some masquerade as one when in fact they’re the other.

Maybe Vince can help Nicky get “connected.”